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Cleaning Up Our Messes at Work – Emotional Intelligence Applied

February 14, 2011 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

It would be so nice if everything went as planned at work.  And we know that is not going to happen!  That’s because we are human and that means we have emotions.  We react to each other and get triggered in the moment. Then we say something we don’t mean to say or say it in a way that we don’t intend.  It may be an example of “open mouth wide and insert foot”!  The question is can we use our emotional intelligence to rectify the damage?

Our voice may carry a harsh tone or our words may sound of blame, we might not stop to fully regard the other person and communicate that by continuing to type away at our keyboard and not engaging in direct eye contact.  As a result we create unintended impact.  We have created a bit of a mess to clean up.

These interactions chip away at the fabric of our trust and can damamge cooperative relationships for the short term and the long haul.  The result can be resentment, avoidance, decreased willingness to work as a team etc.

I recently had the honor of working with coaching clients who were working on repairing their strained relationship.  The power of apologizing served them to move way beyond the unintended impact.  The relationship has now far surpassed its original ability to function effectively to serve their aligned mission.

  • Are there work relationships where you may have had an unintended impact?

  • Is there a past mess that you might need to go back to clean up?  Is there tension or avoidance?

  • What relationships, if they were stronger, would better serve the mission of your organization?

It can be somewhat uncomfortable to initiate the clean-up but well worth the effort.

Filed Under: career, coaching, emotional intelligence, leadership, self-improvement, stress management, workplace conflict

What's with the Name Yolo?

October 24, 2007 By Bette Hoffman 1 Comment

Truthfully, when I “try” to be creative it is like pulling a steroid-enhanced rabbit with muscle-bound legs out of a hat… it just won’t budge.  That’s how it’s been trying to rename my business. “It” has dodged and teased me ruthlessly, hiding behind trees and bushes, until just recently.

A dear friend, also a coach, saw my huffing and puffing around name-finding and requested that I “let it go” for a bit.  She saw I was white-knuckling-it and getting nowhere fast.  As I pried my fingers loose from the project she said, “I have a feeling it is just going to fall effortlessly into your lap”.   Sure – that was likely impossible.  But that is exactly what happened… the very next day! 

A wonderful client and I were spending our final session bringing closure on our coaching relationship.  He is a terrific young man in his prime who deals with the challenge of living with two chronic diseases and has had at least 2 brushes with death. He has come to know how precious life is and, through coaching, more of who he wants to be in his lifetime.   

I asked, “What are you bringing forward from your coaching that you want to remember?’   

He quickly replied, “That’s easy, I am going to tattoo it on my leg so I always have it right in front of me”.  

“What’s that?”, on the tip of my chair with curiosity.   He explained, “Its simple – YOLO, it means You Only Live Once – I want to remember that every day”. 

My eyes teared up (that always happens when a deep truth is shared), and I was almost speechless because it really encapsulated so much of what I hope for my clients.  

Later I managed to mutter “….I may have to steal that”.   

He responded with “You don’t have to steal it; I want you to have it!”  

And that’s how it happened.  Gifts come in unexpected packages!  Thank you Jonathan! 

You may want to ponder: Where might YOU be holding on too tightly?  Where might there be some “room” needed so something new might come into your life?

Please visit me at www.yolocoaching.com

Filed Under: career, coaching, creativity, happiness, stress management Tagged With: branding, business name, coaching, creativity, stress

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