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Cleaning Up Our Messes at Work – Emotional Intelligence Applied

February 14, 2011 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

It would be so nice if everything went as planned at work.  And we know that is not going to happen!  That’s because we are human and that means we have emotions.  We react to each other and get triggered in the moment. Then we say something we don’t mean to say or say it in a way that we don’t intend.  It may be an example of “open mouth wide and insert foot”!  The question is can we use our emotional intelligence to rectify the damage?

Our voice may carry a harsh tone or our words may sound of blame, we might not stop to fully regard the other person and communicate that by continuing to type away at our keyboard and not engaging in direct eye contact.  As a result we create unintended impact.  We have created a bit of a mess to clean up.

These interactions chip away at the fabric of our trust and can damamge cooperative relationships for the short term and the long haul.  The result can be resentment, avoidance, decreased willingness to work as a team etc.

I recently had the honor of working with coaching clients who were working on repairing their strained relationship.  The power of apologizing served them to move way beyond the unintended impact.  The relationship has now far surpassed its original ability to function effectively to serve their aligned mission.

  • Are there work relationships where you may have had an unintended impact?

  • Is there a past mess that you might need to go back to clean up?  Is there tension or avoidance?

  • What relationships, if they were stronger, would better serve the mission of your organization?

It can be somewhat uncomfortable to initiate the clean-up but well worth the effort.

Filed Under: career, coaching, emotional intelligence, leadership, self-improvement, stress management, workplace conflict

Being Present

May 4, 2010 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

Hello Readers!

In my (sort of) monthly YOLO…You Only Live Once newsletter I wrote about “… a Failure to Communicate” and being present.  I relayed a story about an interaction I witnessed that saddened me where someone was totally absent from the scene – Really AWOL – like there was an invisible wall between her and others.

Lately, in separate discussions with several friends we marveled at how busy people seem and how many balls people seem to be juggling at any given time.  The volume and frequency of interactions with others through technology, especially phone and email, are supposed to connect us, yet so often seems to divide us – making quantity count over quality.  Then we find we feel overwhelmed and disconnected from self and others.

It’s okay to call me old-fashioned because I adore a simple, old fashioned, lingering, face-to-face, one-to-one conversation over tea. I still cherish a memory from over 20 years ago when a friend and I shared an impromptu morning sitting on a stoop in San Francisco drinking coffee, munching on bagels and chattering away for hours without any sense of time.  How often do we let ourselves do that anymore?

What brings you present to yourself, with others?

Love to hear what you have to say!

My Best,

Bette

Filed Under: coaching, creativity, happiness, self-improvement, women

Passion Speaks

October 21, 2009 By Bette Hoffman 2 Comments

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Hello Everyone!

I enjoyed writing about Passion in my recent e-zine newsletter.  Passion is really a strong word- maybe even so strong a word that we shy away from it.  AND, we all know what it means for us.  It could be that it  conjures up images of lustful sexual desire and romance novels.  Here I am referring to a really strong drive, desire or interest- something that brings great pleasure.

What are you passionate about?  What gets your mojo going? Recently, when I walked with a friend in the woods she told her story about her recent family trip to the US Midwest. She described in  the most vivid, technicolor detail the idyllic hike she took with her family in an astounding canyon.  Her entire being expressed the passion she felt;  her almost glassy eyes, her voice, her word choice and her body language.  I almost felt like I was there too.  When passion speaks you hear it AND feel it.

What do you get passionate about?  What lights you up.  There’s enough bad news in the media.  This is a feel good place.  So let’s start a passion poll!

Complete any sentence you choose or create your own!

I love it when_______________________________________

I get fired up when I talk about the time when______________

I can’t wait until I get to ________________________ again

I wish every day I could have the experience of____________

I feel so alive when__________________________________

Can’t wait to here what you have to say.

My Best,

Bette

YOLO…You Only Live Once

www.yolocoaching.com

bette@yolocoaching.com

Filed Under: coaching, creativity, happiness, self-improvement, women

What's with the Name Yolo?

October 24, 2007 By Bette Hoffman 1 Comment

Truthfully, when I “try” to be creative it is like pulling a steroid-enhanced rabbit with muscle-bound legs out of a hat… it just won’t budge.  That’s how it’s been trying to rename my business. “It” has dodged and teased me ruthlessly, hiding behind trees and bushes, until just recently.

A dear friend, also a coach, saw my huffing and puffing around name-finding and requested that I “let it go” for a bit.  She saw I was white-knuckling-it and getting nowhere fast.  As I pried my fingers loose from the project she said, “I have a feeling it is just going to fall effortlessly into your lap”.   Sure – that was likely impossible.  But that is exactly what happened… the very next day! 

A wonderful client and I were spending our final session bringing closure on our coaching relationship.  He is a terrific young man in his prime who deals with the challenge of living with two chronic diseases and has had at least 2 brushes with death. He has come to know how precious life is and, through coaching, more of who he wants to be in his lifetime.   

I asked, “What are you bringing forward from your coaching that you want to remember?’   

He quickly replied, “That’s easy, I am going to tattoo it on my leg so I always have it right in front of me”.  

“What’s that?”, on the tip of my chair with curiosity.   He explained, “Its simple – YOLO, it means You Only Live Once – I want to remember that every day”. 

My eyes teared up (that always happens when a deep truth is shared), and I was almost speechless because it really encapsulated so much of what I hope for my clients.  

Later I managed to mutter “….I may have to steal that”.   

He responded with “You don’t have to steal it; I want you to have it!”  

And that’s how it happened.  Gifts come in unexpected packages!  Thank you Jonathan! 

You may want to ponder: Where might YOU be holding on too tightly?  Where might there be some “room” needed so something new might come into your life?

Please visit me at www.yolocoaching.com

Filed Under: career, coaching, creativity, happiness, stress management Tagged With: branding, business name, coaching, creativity, stress

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