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Cleaning Up Our Messes at Work – Emotional Intelligence Applied

February 14, 2011 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

It would be so nice if everything went as planned at work.  And we know that is not going to happen!  That’s because we are human and that means we have emotions.  We react to each other and get triggered in the moment. Then we say something we don’t mean to say or say it in a way that we don’t intend.  It may be an example of “open mouth wide and insert foot”!  The question is can we use our emotional intelligence to rectify the damage?

Our voice may carry a harsh tone or our words may sound of blame, we might not stop to fully regard the other person and communicate that by continuing to type away at our keyboard and not engaging in direct eye contact.  As a result we create unintended impact.  We have created a bit of a mess to clean up.

These interactions chip away at the fabric of our trust and can damamge cooperative relationships for the short term and the long haul.  The result can be resentment, avoidance, decreased willingness to work as a team etc.

I recently had the honor of working with coaching clients who were working on repairing their strained relationship.  The power of apologizing served them to move way beyond the unintended impact.  The relationship has now far surpassed its original ability to function effectively to serve their aligned mission.

  • Are there work relationships where you may have had an unintended impact?

  • Is there a past mess that you might need to go back to clean up?  Is there tension or avoidance?

  • What relationships, if they were stronger, would better serve the mission of your organization?

It can be somewhat uncomfortable to initiate the clean-up but well worth the effort.

Filed Under: career, coaching, emotional intelligence, leadership, self-improvement, stress management, workplace conflict

Being Present

May 4, 2010 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

Hello Readers!

In my (sort of) monthly YOLO…You Only Live Once newsletter I wrote about “… a Failure to Communicate” and being present.  I relayed a story about an interaction I witnessed that saddened me where someone was totally absent from the scene – Really AWOL – like there was an invisible wall between her and others.

Lately, in separate discussions with several friends we marveled at how busy people seem and how many balls people seem to be juggling at any given time.  The volume and frequency of interactions with others through technology, especially phone and email, are supposed to connect us, yet so often seems to divide us – making quantity count over quality.  Then we find we feel overwhelmed and disconnected from self and others.

It’s okay to call me old-fashioned because I adore a simple, old fashioned, lingering, face-to-face, one-to-one conversation over tea. I still cherish a memory from over 20 years ago when a friend and I shared an impromptu morning sitting on a stoop in San Francisco drinking coffee, munching on bagels and chattering away for hours without any sense of time.  How often do we let ourselves do that anymore?

What brings you present to yourself, with others?

Love to hear what you have to say!

My Best,

Bette

Filed Under: coaching, creativity, happiness, self-improvement, women

Passion Speaks

October 21, 2009 By Bette Hoffman 2 Comments

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Hello Everyone!

I enjoyed writing about Passion in my recent e-zine newsletter.  Passion is really a strong word- maybe even so strong a word that we shy away from it.  AND, we all know what it means for us.  It could be that it  conjures up images of lustful sexual desire and romance novels.  Here I am referring to a really strong drive, desire or interest- something that brings great pleasure.

What are you passionate about?  What gets your mojo going? Recently, when I walked with a friend in the woods she told her story about her recent family trip to the US Midwest. She described in  the most vivid, technicolor detail the idyllic hike she took with her family in an astounding canyon.  Her entire being expressed the passion she felt;  her almost glassy eyes, her voice, her word choice and her body language.  I almost felt like I was there too.  When passion speaks you hear it AND feel it.

What do you get passionate about?  What lights you up.  There’s enough bad news in the media.  This is a feel good place.  So let’s start a passion poll!

Complete any sentence you choose or create your own!

I love it when_______________________________________

I get fired up when I talk about the time when______________

I can’t wait until I get to ________________________ again

I wish every day I could have the experience of____________

I feel so alive when__________________________________

Can’t wait to here what you have to say.

My Best,

Bette

YOLO…You Only Live Once

www.yolocoaching.com

bette@yolocoaching.com

Filed Under: coaching, creativity, happiness, self-improvement, women

The Power of Intention

March 6, 2008 By Bette Hoffman Leave a Comment

I am a convert – now, I believe in the power of intention.  This is an unusual story about how music and dance and love of ethnic diversity made its way back into my life.

I used to be all about goals and getting real specific on what I wanted and how I intended to carve the path to get there – and that worked most of the time, yet it had a restrictive quality to it.  Can you feel it? I can even feel it as I write this. The power of intention works differently, maybe in a softer, more mysterious way.  This story illustrates it.

Last year, I was talking with an old friend, with whom I enjoyed lots of ethnic dance classes when we were in our 20’s. We had many fun and funky times together. Many years later she is still dancing, cutting up the dance floor with her Samba steps.  She asked me if I was still dancing.  Sheepishly I admitted, “Well, if you count shaking my hips as I walk down the hall with my laundry basket – then yes, I am dancing!”  When I heard that I had to ask myself, “How is she’s still dancing and I’m not – when I love it just as much?”  Then quietly, behind the scenes of my thinking mind, I set my intention to be open to the energy of dance and music.  That’s when it began to unfold.

One of my sons, Aaron, plays awesome drums in a teen band program, Plugged In.  While planning their January 2006 concert, Plugged In made contact with the Music Crossroads Southern Africa project who aims through a combination of music, self-awareness and HIV/Aids education, to empower African musicians to build a self-sustainable cross-border youth music structure in the Southern African Development Community. Music Crossroads contacted Plugged In to see if there was interest in having one of their new bands, Bongo Love, come to Boston for a cultural exchange with Plugged In students. Bongo Love was participating in a music festival in the Dominican Republic in October – and was able to stop by Boston area on their way from Zimbabwe to the Dominican Republic.

The genre of music Bongo Love plays is called “Afrocoustics”, a unique combination of styles delivered on traditional instruments. This arranged stop in the US was a major treat for them!  Little did we know of the bonds that were in store for us.
Almost immediately we connect on a deep level with the Bongo Love musicians left to right, Themba, Trymore, Godfrey and John.

Power of IntentionThe deal is sealed as Aaron, ties home-made friendship bracelets on Trymore’s (L) and Godfrey’s (R) wrists.  During their weeklong stay they fill our hearts and home with music and dancing! After they left we maintained a strong connection.

In January 2007, Plugged In was contacted by Hannah Wahl, a young woman from Seattle, who had recently traveled to Zimbabwe with a marimba band in which she played. While in Zimbabwe, she met Bongo Love, and fell in love with their music. She decided that when she returned to the states, she would bring Bongo Love here for a tour. Through the combined efforts of Hannah and Plugged In, Bongo Love was granted a performance visa with enough donated frequent flyer miles to make the trip to Boston….in time to surprise Aaron at his Bar Mitzvah and perform at his party on May 5th, the day after their arrival.

“Grace” appears to be at work when on that SAME day when Bongo Love was invited by the Elias Fund to perform at the Elias Fest, a day-long fundraising concert in Acton, MA. Chad Urmston, of Dispatch, who was performing at the concert with State Radio, invited Bongo Love to join in on one of the band’s songs. The crowd went crazy – they left a lasting impression.

Bongo Love

Bongo Love’s US tour included stops in several cities including New York City. The stop in New York City coincided with the dates of the Dispatch reunion concert, Dispatch: Zimbabwe, on July 13, 14 and 15, 2007. Dispatch was interested in having a Zimbabwean band perform at the concert. Bongo Love, already here and scheduled to be in New York, was the perfect fit. Bongo Love was invited to a Dispatch rehearsal in New York. Dispatch offered Bongo Love the opportunity to perform on all three nights of the DISPATCH: ZIMBABWE – LIVE AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN sold-out concerts.

Our goodbye last year before they returned to Zimbabwe was an exuberant hugging
backstage at Madison Square Garden after we watched their performance with Dispatch. “Goodbye, Jewish Mother- we love you!”- were their departing words.

All coincidence?  I know don’t know.  What I do know is that we are planning a fundraiser to bring them back again.  I am also taking a Hip Hop class and cross my fingers, so far, my body has agreed to come along for the ride. Although the oldest in class, I feel like a teenager again.  AND this week I was asked to bring some Afro-Caribbean FUNK into the upcoming International Coaching Federation’s New England conference.

Here’s to the power of intention!

Filed Under: self-improvement Tagged With: coaching, intention, life coaching, self-improvement

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